How did you do on the last test you took?
Completely bombed it, and it was important. and now I’m sort of screwed. ended up with a drinking problem, drug use, joined the army, get to see the world and they’ve promised me I get to be in the marching band.

What is your ringtone for when people text you?
air raid siren, actual size and volume. Wakes dead.

What show did you last watch?
Mad Men or that thing with Miley Cirus, can’t remember.

What foods make you sick?
licorice and good hearty helping of uncooked bacon.
Yum!
Walrus gizzards.

Do you get shy around the guy/girl you like?
Oh yeah, act weird. Hit my self with things around me, drop papers on floor, wet pants, teeth start bleeding, pull out razor and start shaving parts of myself that shouldn’t be shaved.

Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
Normal?

Do you have family problems?
Sort of like the Sopranos. Without the  . . .  heavy Italian diet.

Where are most people in your top from?
Holland.

What was the last meal you ate?
Dinner late Friday night. Although that wasn’t much of a meal.
I think I had a really good meal sometime in 1996.

Who are there pictures of in the room you’re currently in?
King Kong (vintage), Captain Kirk (original 1966 promo poster, framed), rare typography prints, a copy of an 1863 Alta California newspaper, a picture of Dennis Miller before he became a Republican, map of the area with lit pins in it to show how I plan to dominate the region.

Name one thing people think about you that’s not true?
That I don’t know how to fly.

Do you give special ringtones to certain people?
For Christmas?
See: imakebells.com

What’s the weather like outside?
65 degrees F, currently clear, wind at 4 mph. Humidity at 71%, typhoon, flooding and general plague coming thru killing first born in every family. Looking for blood to put on door jam, but can’t remember which animal I’m supposed to slaughter.

Have you ever seen a 3D movie in a theatre?
Yes: Jaws 3D and some horrible science fiction thing in the 80s with Molly Ringwald in it.
Was the new Hulk film in 3D? Don’t remember, my IQ really dropped about the time he jumped out of the plane for no good reason.

Where’d you get everything that you’re wearing?
JCPenney. It’s all inside, baby.

Do you text with T9 or ABC?
I don’t text; shit, it takes forever to do the alphabet. Don’t use my cell phone either. I have my limits.

Have you memorized your social security number?
Of course. Like to tell it to people I don’t know and see how fast they can steal my identity.

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
Yes. And then I dream about texting them with T9.

What radio station do you listen to the most?
Pandora.

What do you think about the person that last texted you?
They think I want insurance, but I don’t.

How do you like your school?
Which one, I teach at more than one. They’re cool or I wouldn’t teach there, but one of them I’m not terribly happy with the administration right now.

What’s your favourite colour to wear?
Black, dark gray or something neon to contrast. Wonder if armor as a fashion statement will ever come back.

Have you ever been in love?
Yes.

Who will you never forget?
Terri Nunn
and Pierce Brosnan.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
Not until I first laid eyes on Mario Lopez.

Would you ever consider having a relationship with your best friend?
I am in a relationship with my best friend. That’s the secret to a good relationship.

What piercings do you want to get?
Eyeball, full size arrow through left wrist, large knives sticking out of my feet like old James Bond villian.

Have your friends ever seen you cry?
When am I NOT crying?

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
George Bush. He makes me cry all the time.

Can you do a push-up?
Maybe one. Maybe.

Are you self conscious about your weight at all?
I text people about it all the time. And write the number on my forehead with super thick Sharpie.

What do you think about the person that last commented you?
Cool band.

Who sings the song you last sang?
Aaaaiiiiimmmeeee Echo!
or Engelbert Humperdinck.
(or I think it was a Lawrence Welk medley, you know, I can’t remember.)

Plans for this weekend?
Supposed to remember to go to friend’s wedding reception, but if I join the Army (to be in the band) the whole a.w.o.l. thing might cause a few problems with George Bush, who really makes me cry a lot.

Have you ever been to California?
No. Not been. I am here. So it’s more of a ‘being’ thing. Being here, crying, texting, watching tee vee shows, having fantasies about Mario Lopez and Engelbert Humperdinck. Blaiming GWB for everything that goes wrong anywhere. It’s a full life.